Following the tragic loss of her eldest son James in 2006, Clare Milford Haven co-founded James’ Place, the UK’s first non-clinical crisis centre for men experiencing suicidal thoughts. Clare has dedicated nearly two decades to changing the conversation around suicide and men’s mental health. Her work has helped thousands of men access life-saving support, while inspiring a more open, compassionate approach to resilience, grief and recovery.
You’ve faced profound personal loss – how did that change your perspective on resilience?
I have always been a sensitive soul – taking things very personally, feeling other people’s moods, pain or joy deeply and being emotionally and physically affected by different environments and atmospheres. Therefore I am not sure I was hugely resilient before losing my 21 year old son James nearly 19 years ago. I didn’t fully understand that other people’s actions and moods were their problem, not mine, because I always felt I should fix everything. After James left us so suddenly in December 2006, these low levels of resilience were tested to the core. Suddenly I had to gain Herculean amounts of emotional strength to carry, not only myself, but also my family and friends through this devastating period of loss and grief.
I had to change my way of reacting and become much less troubled by things that had affected me before. I was influenced hugely by a book given to me by another mother who had lost a son – Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. Just one quote helped me to see things from a different perspective:
“Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation. You cannot control what happens to you in life, but you can always control what you will feel and do about what happens to you”.
Frankl firmly believed that we could find hope in even the darkest of places and that our motivation for life comes from meaning. Frankl hypothesised that when we do not have meaning or purpose in our lives our mental health begins to deteriorate. These few words, written by a man who had been incarcerated in Auschwitz as a prisoner of war, and had endured atrocities beyond our imagination, helped me to become more resilient and defined the way I processed my grief.
What inspired you to speak openly about suicide which is still taboo for many?
After James took his own life, we were obviously deeply affected, not only by his death but also his course of action. Suicide is still considered a sin in some religions, and it used to be deemed a criminal offence up until 1961. The shame that comes with it still abounds as do feelings of guilt at not having been able to save someone from this perceived heinous act.
But hiding away from it and pretending it was an accident would not have been helpful. That only serves to perpetuate the stigma and taboo surrounding it. So we chose to be open about what had happened because we wanted to prevent other families going through the nightmare that we were experiencing. We never spoke in too much detail, but we spoke about what had been going on in James’ life leading up to his death. How he had not wanted to die because he had desperately sought help in the days before his death but had not found that critical help.I think its important to point out that the majority of people who take their own lives do not have complex mental health issues. They are suffering from a combination of life events that create the perfect storm of a crisis.
What led you to create James’ Place?
James had desperately sought help in the days leading up to his tragic death. Suffering from acute anxiety following a minor operation to correct a varicocele, James visited an NHS Walk In Centre, A&E Department and a local GP all in the same day. None of them provided the necessary assistance he so desperately needed. On top of this, none of these services contacted our family GP (who’s number they had), or myself (due to patient confidentiality). It was a catalogue of disasters that created the perfect storm. James had openly stated that he was feeling suicidal. I still have the form. It’s there in black and white with our family GP’s number next to it. But they just sent him off to A&E as they didn’t know how to deal with it.
Because of this, I wanted to create a place where men who are in suicidal crisis like James, could go and get the urgent care they need, in a space that is non clinical. A calm space that values and nurtures men and brings down their feelings of anxiety and despair. In short, I wanted to create a place that would have saved James’ life and that's what we have created at James' Place. A place where men in suicidal crisis can see a professional, trained therapist for help within two working days. We now have three centres in Liverpool, London and Newcastle, with a fourth centre opening in Birmingham early next year, and have helped over 4,300 men to date.
How have you seen workplace attitudes to mental health evolve since founding James’ Place?
In the 18 years that I have been working in suicide prevention – learning and absorbing so much about an area I had no previous knowledge about – there have been huge changes. I think a lot has to do with parents and families like ours speaking out and lobbying government to acknowledge the breadth of the problem and the impact it has on not just families but communities. They say for every suicide, 135 people are affected.
Those with lived experience speaking out about these issues has given people more permission to feel comfortable about doing so themselves. Therefore in the workplace and in schools/ universities there is a much greater awareness now, and a genuine desire to provide the right help and start at an early stage. Most businesses now have a named Mental Health lead as part of their CSR approach and this is now commonplace as opposed to rare.
Why is education so important for improving mental health awareness?
It is important to have an education for so many reasons but the ones that spring to mind are the ability to integrate with others, to make friends and not to be isolated. To gain knowledge gives us confidence and the ability to strive to become the best version of ourselves and to be able to go out into the world armed with a qualification that will enable us to find work. To learn that failure is a part of life too and not to take it too badly as life is full or ups and downs, wins and losses. In schools they need to start teaching children early about the ups and downs of life. About how to build resilience and how with hard work, great things can happen. About picking ourselves up when we get knocked down and the importance of friends and family.
What gaps in UK mental health support still need urgent attention?
Where do I start?! I think we need to be realistic about how much mental health support the statuary services can provide, alongside regular health support. There have been so many promises made over the years by governments about the need for parity between the two but I feel this is a long way off. We also need to look at ‘mental health’ in a more holistic way. There are people who suffer from long standing mental health problems and those who have mental health ‘episodes’ or ‘crises’ and these need to be approached differently and in distinct settings.
James’ Place exists to help men in suicidal crisis and we do so via free one to one therapy in our own buildings which provide a very distinct intervention and environment. If we had the funds to roll out this service across the country I know that we would have a significant impact on the numbers of men taking their own lives every day. However, we are a charity and we can only provide this service with regular and systematic funding .
What message would you share with someone struggling in silence?
I would say that sharing your fears and problems with someone else is the first and most important step towards healing. Men tend to bottle things up more than women and try to tough it out, but that only increases the struggle inside and there is no shame in sharing... its not a weakness, but actually a strength, to admit to having some issues. I would also stress to that person that they are loved and that the people who love them would hate to know that they are struggling In silence and would only want to help them. I would encourage them to reach out to either a friend, family member or a professional and then keep the conversation going. At James’ Place, we see men for 6-8 sessions of free, life-saving therapy. We unpick the crisis bit by bit so that it is easier to understand and find a way forward.
As a mother who has lost a son to suicide, I would beg anyone who is struggling to let their loved ones know, rather than keeping the struggle from them. There is nothing too great that cannot be solved.
Men in suicidal crisis can access free, life-saving therapy from James' Place by referring themselves at jamesplace.org.uk.
October, 2025
