Emilia reflects on the pivotal moments that shaped her voice, from personal challenges to profound healing and how those experiences now inform the themes she explores. Rooted in honesty and lived experience, her podcast Forbidden Juice invites listeners to reconsider shame, embrace complexity and find meaning in the stories we’re often afraid to tell.
Your podcast Forbidden Juice explores taboo topics with honesty and vulnerability. What inspired you to create a space like this, and how do you choose the themes you cover?
My inspiration to start bringing topics like these to light began in 2018, when I took a self development course called Landmark in Los Angeles. We were given the prompt that we all have that one story that we feel that if we tell someone, we won’t be loved or accepted. We were also told that if we could step out of our the fear of looking bad in the eyes of others, that one story is the story that truly can make a difference in the world. I immediately knew what my story was.
I had been a sex worker, living in a web of lies, pushing my family away for years because I felt too ashamed to own the truth that this had been my choice. I was not a victim of sex trafficking. As a matter of fact, I felt quite empowered in my work, but I never thought anyone could understand if I spoke that out loud. During the course I got up on stage and shared my story in front of a group of 50 people. It was like one of those Idol moments that I’d seen on TV, when someone would break down in tears from the release of finally sharing their voice. I can’t remember a time in my life that I felt more alive. It felt like reclaiming a piece of myself that I had pushed away and kept hidden. And now, instead of feeling ashamed of that piece, it became my power. The aftermath was what inspired me. There were several people that pulled me aside to let me know how my story had impacted them.
One woman, wearing a veil, told me she was Muslim, and wasn't allowed to sleep with a lot of men, but that she had, and had really enjoyed it, but she had never been able to share that with anyone, as that would not be accepted in her religion. She told me that hearing my story made her feel that she was ok too. Another beautiful older woman, told me that she had been doing sex work too, and that she had never told anyone. She said she wasn’t ready to share with anyone else but me, but that hearing my story made her feel at peace with her own. Hearing this made me realise that by sharing my story, I could collectively contribute to alchemising shame into acceptance.
I knew in that moment that I wanted to start speaking publicly about the topics that cause us to feel shame. I was ok with being the martyr, to speak the unspeakable truths that nobody else wanted to voice, if it meant we could all heal collectively from that. I knew that if I wanted to go public, I first had to face my own family and come clean about my lies. This also came with telling them the purpose of why I wanted to share my story publicly now. My parents told me they had already known for some time, and I realised that I had been living in isolation with my lies for no reason. This piece was tremendously healing for our relationship as my parents told me they would support and stand by me in my purpose. Over the following years I started sharing my story in events and retreats that felt aligned with my mission. In 2023, the podcast, Forbidden Juice, was born.
When my partner Ariana and I decided to start this project, we went into the dark closets of our own life stories. We reflected over which stories we thought that others could relate to, and benefit most of, and that’s how we started choosing our topics. Our purpose was always to share the shameful story, and then share the wisdom we had extracted from living that story, showing our listeners that no experience has ever been lived in vein.
Many of your episodes deal with healing and growth from difficult experiences. How have your own personal transformations shaped your approach to life and work?
Back in 2016 I was living a rather comfortable life. I met a dream client who made me an offer that bridged me from sex work to companion work, and gave me greater financial freedom than I ever had experienced before. However, there was an ever aching question inside me: This is not going to last forever, what do I do when I don’t have this anymore? By the end of that year I got really sick. I was diagnosed with colitis, chronic inflammation of the large intestine, which leads to digestive issues and malabsorption. This is considered a mystery auto-immune disease, that doctors don’t have a cure for. I was told I would need to learn to live with this condition for the rest of my life, a diagnosis that felt quite impossible as I was rapidly deteriorating to skin and bones. I made a decision to leave the conventional ways and go on my own healing journey. What followed was a stream of synchronicities that led me to find a life coach who inspired me to make purpose out of my pain. I went on to study to become a health coach, first to learn how to heal myself, and then to be able to help others. The next couple of years became my own eat, love, pray journey. I learnt many things about diet and nutrition, but more importantly I learnt that without emotional balance, none of that mattered. I went into a period of sobriety, celibacy, and detoxification of my body. The breakthrough happened when I started bringing back the pieces that I had rejected of myself.
Today I’m fully healed from colitis, and I look back at that part of my journey as an important piece that had to happen in order for me to find deeper purpose and meaning in life. Another great pillar-stone on my journey was a breakup that I had with a partner in 2022. He was the illusion of “The One”. I was certain I would spend the rest of my life with him, but things took a sudden turn, and when our relationship ended, I felt as if my life was ending with it. The vision we had written together was a joint life vision, and I wasn’t even sure of who I was without it.
The only way I could cope with it was to tell myself that I was fine. For a couple of weeks I sucked it all up. But then one night when I went to bed and I felt a lump on my left breast, just over my heart. It was terrifying, and it felt symbolic at the same time. Now I had to ask myself: In what ways have I abandoned myself to the point that I have manifested something physical in my body? I started researching the spiritual meaning of the breasts, and cysts or tumours manifesting within them. I learnt that it was related to how we nourish ourselves and the people around us.
I didn’t want to go to a conventional doctor at this point. After my experience with colitis, I didn’t trust that world. I always knew in my heart that if it was a matter of the C-word, I wouldn’t go down that route. Instead I went to an alternative energy practitioner that I had been recommended by someone who told me about an incurable condition they had dealt with that was cured by him. The moment I sat down in front of this practitioner, the tears were streaming uncontrollably down my face. I told him I’d found a lump in my breast. He said: “You have a beautiful path ahead of you, but you need to do what is responsible. You need to go to find out what we are dealing with, and then I can work with you.” I proceeded with going to make scans and examinations, and while I waited for the results, I crumbled.
Even though my relationship in the last couple of years had been amazing in many ways, there had been an invitation that I had held back on, because I wanted to experience it together with my partner. It was an invitation to study with a mystery school, called ISTA, to learn ways of Taoism, Tantra, sacred sexuality and energetic shamanism. I felt in my heart that it was something I needed to do, but my partner was four years younger than me, and I recognised his needs to fulfil other life experiences before being ready for that. It was a sense of wanting to wait for him to catch up so that we could be on the same page. Today, looking back, I can see that this was not the way.
As a proof of my commitment, I signed up to the next available ISTA training. It was only two weeks away, in Northern California. Two days before the training I got the results; the lump in my breast was a cyst, and it was benign. The training was a homecoming to myself. I got to learn about consent, boundaries, ways to activate and regulate my emotions, ways to recognise my shadows, my feminine and my masculine polarities, getting in touch with the different consciousnesses of my body. It was raw, deep and vulnerable, and it connected me to a medicine that could never be consumed from the outside, because it was my own life force. Three months after the training, my cyst was entirely gone. I had been doing deep emotional work, meanwhile supporting my body with a healthy diet. I truly believe that we have the capability to heal from just about anything, if we have the willingness to go into the darkness and shed light on what caused us to get there. Vulnerability can be both powerful and uncomfortable.
What does vulnerability mean to you personally, and what role does it play in your creative process?
Vulnerability is a big piece for me, because I believe it’s a gateway to deeper connection. I’m at a time in my life that I’m not interested in shallow encounters. I want truth and depth. I want to feel that I can trust the people around me and that they trust me too. Vulnerability takes courage and it shows the other that I trust them with my truth. This builds intimacy, a safe space where they too can open up and share. When people can be vulnerable together we create a sacred space that allows the connection to go far beyond surface level. My most vulnerable creative outlet is my poetry. I mostly write when I’m in love or in pain. That’s where I can channel and process my emotions into pieces of universal wisdom.
You discuss shadow work and emotional awareness on the podcast. How can someone begin to understand or integrate their shadow self in a healthy way?
Shadow work is about working with the parts of ourselves that we are unaware of. The best place to start is to look at what we feel triggered by. Anything that we feel repelled by is usually an unclaimed part of ourselves.
Shadow work is about recognising that every trigger is actually pushing at something that you are avoiding within yourself. Shadow is not only about the negative, but also about the positive aspects that we don’t claim. This can show up in the form of envy or admiration. You might look at someone and think, “Wow! She’s so magnetic and radiant, I’m not like that.” This is an invitation for you to engage in activities that make you feel more embodied. Maybe it’s about taking a dance class, or going to singing lessons. Whatever it is that will make you feel more self expressed. Shadow work is really about gently shedding light on the unseen pieces of ourselves that we have rejected and bringing them home towards wholeness.
What’s one myth about healing or personal growth that you wish more people understood or talked about openly?
I believe there’s a trap in the law of attraction, where we are told only to focus on the good, in order to attract good. To me this is emotional bypassing. In my experience, in order to alchemise a feeling, you first need to feel it deeply. If you’re sad or frustrated about a situation, first allow yourself to feel that fully, then move on to how you would like it to be, and start feeling the feeling of that. By doing this, you are recognising the emotions, which is what will allow them to move, and now you can put another emotion in their place. When we think that we can only focus on the good things in life, we don’t allow ourselves to feel the full spectrum of emotions. When we try to push an emotion away instead of feeling it, we trap it in the body, and with time this is what causes disease. Emotions are just feelings in motion, they want to move and in order to move, they need to be felt. I believe that in order to be light, we need to also have the willingness to explore our darkness. The more I go into the dark to claim the shameful and unlovable parts of myself, the more whole I feel, and the more love and acceptance I can feel for my entire being.
Looking ahead, what are you most excited about next in your work and for your creative or personal journey?
This year particularly feels like a powerful year ahead. I feel very clear about my intentions and desires. Last year ended with so many clearings around what doesn’t serve me anymore. I feel like I have tapped deeper into the overseeing oracle within myself that can clearly see what I desire and what needs to be cleared for that path to run smoothly. I’m excited about consciously putting myself in the right places in order to create a greater impact for humanity. My main mission for this year is just to be in my fullest expression, and allow for what wants to come from that to be birthed. There is definitely something awakening within me right now that feels more embodied in voice, dance and sacred ritual than ever before, and I’m excited to see where that wants to take me. There are so many veils being lifted right now, allowing for a greater awakening in the overall consciousness of this planet, and I’m very grateful to be a part of that process.
Listen to Emilia's podcast Forbidden Juice here.
April, 2026
